For each person the idea of a full day is different. Maybe your day is filled with your work, with your housework, with taking care of your family, maybe with everything together! Many women come to therapy with the phrase “I’m tired! I want time to myself.” It’s OK girls what you feel and what you ask for. So how can you achieve this goal and how to find what you are looking for? Here are 5 simple steps that will improve your life!
What are the 5 main steps?
1) First step is to listen to you.
First of 5 simple steps that will improve your life. I understand that many times it is difficult to listen to your feelings, but you know that you are tired. Leave your mind free and write down on a piece of paper what you feel. Find a comfortable place and at least a few minutes for yourself and focus on how you feel. To help you with this exercise, here is an image that you may find useful.
2) Learn how to say what you feel.
You have the conviction that you must succeed in everything. Be strong in everything. Now that you have completed the sentence, let’s say “I feel tired”, you can tell the person you want how they make you feel. “I feel tired,” Take a few seconds and fill in what you would like to say to him. Maybe it will help you again if you write it down.
So the patient says “I feel tired because you don’t clean your room”. Let’s focus on this phrase. After the word “because” I distinguish a ” you “. When we use the “I feel this way because of you” pattern, we are expressing our feelings by using guilt to manage a person. In other words, an attempt is being made to make him change.
So I suggest you remember that you can’t teach anyone anything. If we have this “teaching” as a means of approach, this will create a problem for us. So let’s change the perspective. And the patient asks, “So you’re telling me to give up?” To be comfortable in what I have?” The answer is of course no. There is another option.
Behind every emotion there is one need. With this in mind, try again to complete the sentence with this structure. “When you don’t clean your room, I feel tired because I need help with the housework.”
3) Formulate your request.
When we make a request, we don’t say what we don’t want, because that way we don’t communicate what we want. In other words, we say to our partner “I want you to stop watching football on TV all day!” This does not express your real need, which could be stated as “I want you to spend quality time with me, go for a walk in the park or for a drink”.
It is also important to use active language. A typical example “I want you to listen to me”. He hears you! Does this fulfill your request? But if you say “I want you to hear how I feel when I express myself to you, to hear my opinions and my dreams. I want you to hear my thoughts based on me.” Then you have communicated precisely what you really want.
4) Request or demand?
Requests are perceived as demands when others believe they will be blamed if they do not obey. When they hear a demand they see two options: submission or rebellion. We understand that if we make a demand then the likelihood of our request being heard and of finding a positive, compassionate response is minimized. correspondence.
The telling difference between a request and a demand is our reaction when what we ask for is not fulfilled. If when we do not get what we ask for we judge or criticize, then what we had formulated was a demand. Also, the probability that our request will be heard as a demand increases in proportion to our reactions in the past, when we used to blame or punish others for not listening to what we asked, it is next time that they hear a “demand” again. Whereas when someone empathetically listens to our needs, then what we formulated was a request!
“If I understand clearly that you are not demanding, I will respond to what you want. But if you come in like a strict boss, you’ll feel like you’re hitting a wall.”
“When you don’t clean your room I feel fatigue because i need help with housework. I want to clean your room, because it’s your own personal space.”
What is missing to complete this sentence? The response of the person we are addressing. Therefore we can also add the phrase “How does that sound to you?”
Such a question is a prerequisite for the remaining steps of the process to work. Create a connection to bring the other person closer to listening and understanding feelings and your needs.